It's always something...

In August, I thought things were crazy. I had no clue what crazy was. I have no idea where the time has gone. Is it really February 2015? Is my baby really 5 already? I give you my current state of mind, a bit like verbal vomit, a bit chaotic and all me!

September: School started the first week of September, but since Ethan was home-schooled, it was a stressful start for me. I really felt like I had no clue what I was doing. "Okay," thought life, "I'll throw a curve ball at you!" My husband was having pain from kidney stones again. We have been thru this before; we know what to expect. He was scheduled for a CT on the mainland, to help locate the problem area for surgery. The night before our trip off island, he is in so much pain, we end up with a house-call from our local GP. He provides pain medication to help get us thru the night an onto that first ferry off island. Morning comes and hubs is having a severe reaction to the pain and/or the medication (I am still not sure which) and we end up having to call 911. He gets flown off island to the hospital and I'm left at home with the two kids and rushing for the ferry. It took me 4 hours to reach the hospital. 4 hours of not knowing how Brian was doing or what was wrong. Later in the day I had arranged care for the kids and took them back to the ferry where they met up with their aunt who they would be staying with at least over night. Most of the day was spent waiting. Waiting to be told what to do, waiting to find out when Brian would have surgery. Finally he is scheduled for surgery. He gets taken to the OR and I head out for a quick bite to eat with my brother. We have a nice time, and I get no calls to worry me about the man so I assume all is well. Well, you know what they say when you "assume." My brother drops me off and heads home, while I'm trying to track down Brian. Turns out he was in his room, surgery never happened. Just before starting, the doctor notice atrial fibrillation and canceled the surgery. Brian is now under observation. Every time he gets out of bed his heart rate spikes dangerously high. No one seems to know why this is happening. He finally was allowed to have his surgery on Sunday morning, but we still had to stay for observation. I arrange extended care for the boys and get comfortable. I was staying too. By Tuesday, Sept. 9th, he was allowed to return home after a very long 5 day stay. This was a big day. Yay we get to go home. Oh yeah, happy anniversary. "Hey what'd you do for your anniversary this year?" Me: "Well we decided to change it up and spent a luxurious week at the hospital! WaHoo!" Brian recovers, and does a post-op follow up with many doctors and over time his heart learned is lesson and started to behave itself again. No more A-Fib. Most likely was a medication balance related problem.

October: Now this was a rough month. As if Brian hadn't had enough going on, his dad has been very ill. Cancer is a nasty thing. After many, many trips to and from the island for hospital visits and doctor appointments, a day came when he had to go back off and (after I put my two cents in) Brian goes with his parents. His mom was worn out. I didn't think she should go alone. I was worried. Poor Bill just progressed so rapid in his illness. After a week in the hospital he passed quietly away with family by his side. Brian was fortunate to have a wonderful company he works for. He was able to spend that whole last week by his mom and dad's side. He was such an amazing support for them. It broke my heart to be away from them, but it was decided that the children shouldn't be there. We made a trip off to say our goodbyes, but we didn't not stay. It was heartbreaking. I learned something though. Death is a very busy business. There is so much to do when someone passes. I had never been this close to a death before. I was so surprised. We planned a memorial service for 5 weeks out. It seemed like a long time, but we wanted family and friends to have a chance to arrange things to come.

November: November 16th we held a memorial for Brian's dad. It was lovely and the turnout was amazing. He was so well loved. We spent time with our family afterwards, before they headed home. Brian was not feeling well. He was in pain again. Around midnight he was flown off island again for kidney stone related pain. The kids and I head off island on the first ferry and find him in his room, waiting for a surgery time. Everything goes well and we are sent home after surgery as normal.We had previously arranged to adopt a dog and surprise the kiddos, so one of our dear friends went in my stead and picked the pooch up. Not the best time to adopt a dog, but he was a perfect fit for us. As a 3 year old Malti-Poo (Maltese mixed with Poodle) he is medium small in size, young enough but out of the puppy stage and most importantly, he is allergy friendly. Our boys named him Jack and he is wonderful. Just a bit of extra work with two kids and a husband recovering from surgery.

December: So far health wise we are doing well. I'm finally starting to get into a semi-organized home school routine. Maybe things are improving. On December 16th we had an appointment at the Children's Hospital for an assessment for Ethan. This would determine if he was on the autism spectrum or not. He is. He is high-functioning, but he still has autism. It explained much of his behavior and theoretically has opened doors for us in his care. (I am still trying to figure it all out.) At least it is a start. We also had to have major dental work done on the boys in December. Caleb had to have his upper two front teeth surgically removed due to an abscess problem caused from a fall he took about a year prior. It was traumatic for me watching him come out of anesthesia but he did well. Caleb, my baby, also turned 5. This was monumental for me as a mom. He's moved from a little boy into a big kid. He will be starting school in the fall. I couldn't help but think back to the drama of his arrival and marvel at his health now. He is a strong and healthy boy. However, the older he gets, the more I question his behavior and wonder if he will have similar issues to his brother. I see a few flags, but wonder how many are learned things from his big brother. Time will tell. For now I will just enjoy his gaped smiles.

January: This month seemed to fly by. We have had a few bouts of sniffles and things in the house, but it seemed calm. Too calm. When is the storm coming? It is here now. The end of January brought on a new round of discomfort and pain from the all too familiar kidney stones Brian suffers from. It has come and gone thru the month, but by the last week, he was off island back at the doctor looking for answers. We have no idea why his body makes them so frequently. We have changed his (our) diet and increased water intake and still he has issues. It looks like another round of surgery is headed our way. "Surgery number 7 come on down!"

I wonder what will fall on our plate next? You just never know, but it's always something!

Life Happens

I really don't know where to begin. I have been trying to wrap my head around my crazy life and find a way to put in words the thoughts in my head, but it tends to sound like I'm complaining. I really don't want to complain, but today, take it as you will, I need to vent.

Last spring, we pulled Ethan out of classic public school and enrolled him in an alternative learning program or public school offers. Basically, he is now homeschooled, but he has a teacher he meets with once a week to talk about what he's learned and keep him on track. I love this program, but adjusting to homeschooling really took a while. In fact, it felt like we had only just figured it out and the school year was over. It was summer time. In the blink of an eye summer ending and school, for us, starts in about 2 weeks. I have been feeling anxiety and stress realizing we have had no contact from the school and I really have no idea what I'm in for this year with his homeschooling.

Ethan is a special kid. He is entering 2nd grade but he is highly advanced in many subjects. Last year we found a speicalist that helped us treat Ethan's ADHD issues so that he could simply finish one thought before he lost track of it. He has come a long way, despite the rollercoaster we've been on finding the right treatment. He has also been diagnosed as Hyperlexic, which basically is the advanced ability to read at a very early age, but comprehension is a bit behind. Ethan was 3 years old when he started reading, but he can struggle grasping the point of what he is reading. Hyperlexia is generaly associated with people who have austisum. We have not recieved a diagnosis of autisum but strongly suspect Ethan is on the spectrum, although high funtioning.

We have also been informed that Ethan is considered at Twice Exceptional or 2e child. A 2e child is intellectually gifted but has some form of disability. The disability could be anything from dyslexia, a type of processing disorder, Aspergers or even depression and/or anxiety. Ethan prefers clam and quiet, while his brother, Caleb, prefers noise and action. He also presesnts incations taht he is a 2e child. These two conflicing personalities can be challenging. So back to Ethan being homeschooled; we pulled him out of school due to his anxiety and sensory overload issues. As I said, he has made much progress this summer, but we still have a long road to walk together and figure things out.

Our busy summer has not made it easy for him. We had a friend move in with us temporarily, and although we love her dearly, it still changes the feel of home with another body there. Having another perosn added to the noise level and activiy of the house, which sometimes was hard for Ethan to deal with. In July we attended an International Convention of Jehovah's Witnesses in Seattle, WA. This was an amazing expericne, however, completely overwhleming for Ethan. Coming back from a weekend with over 30,000 people, I was babysitting another 4 year old for the next week.

During that same weekend, my step-dad had a major psychotic break. He suffers from Schitzo-Affective disorder which is a combination of schitzophrenia and bi-polar disorder; the bi-polar highs and lows being angry to manic depression, no happy highs. He was hospitalized for treatment for one week and is now back home. I have no idea how my mother can get thru such things. She now a caretaker and has a whole new road to walk and life to learn. Things will not go back to the way they were, but they are finding their way adn are able to laugh togheter and that is amazing. While the initial crisis is over, I still try to talk to them every few days to keep tabs. I love them dearly, but it does add to my plate.

In the later portion of July, my father-in-law decided he was tired of feeling ill so often and made the journey to the Hoxsey Clinic in Mexico to see if they could find answers to what was plauging him when no doctors, local to him, could. Turns out they could. He has been diagnosed with Differentiated Kerotianized Squamous Cell Carcenoma. A very rare and agressive form of skin cancer between the prostate and bladder. We are all still tyring to get our heads around this. How do you prepare your children for potential loss for the first time in their lives? The whole thing doesn't even seem real. I keep expecting to find it was a mistake and he will be ok. We have been having lots of small moments in coming to terms with the probable outcome, while trying to maintain hope.

In August our lovely dear moved out into her new home and the same day we had a family cousin come to stay for two weeks. He currently lives in Korea, although he is from the States originally. We adore him, the children adore him and he was an amazing house guest. Cleaned up after himself, helped with the kids and even took on a back burner yard project of building a chicken coop for us. It was a great visit.

During this visit, slightly before and off and on since, my hubs has been dealing with Kidney Stones and a bad back issue. This is almost a minor thing in our house because it has become an constant on again off again issue, but again, it is one more thing on our plate.

After he left, we had our house back to ourselves and our activities have slowed down. I find myself almost feeling "empty nest" syndrome because of the change. It is so strange, but we are adapting. And now we come full circle to school starting back up and trying to figure out just what to do with Ethan as he starts Second Grade and what to do with Caleb who will be in Pre-K.

Things boys say...

The boys are playing in a plastic pool on the deck and say some pretty silly things. Today's fun is were overheard..
1. Look a floater! (I of course run over and they have submerged a t-shirt which is floating.)
2. I'm going to do a big fart so I can watch the bubble.
Yes, boys will be boys and they will always amuse me!

Back in the Saddle

It has been ages since I've sat down and put my thoughts to written form. Like three years! I'm trying to get back to it; "back in the saddle again". Life has been crazy, but then who ever feels like their life isn't?

My sweet Caleb is half-way to 5 and full of attitude, tempers and growing pains...I still can't figure out what the "terrible twos" are...We've had terrible 3's and 4's. That being said, he is happy and healthy; not much more to ask for there.

Our older son Ethan has had his share of issues for the past year or two. He has been diagnosed as ADHD and Hyperlexic. He also has undiagnosed sensory processing issues (it may or may not be sensory processing disorder also known as SPD) and he may or may not be high functioning autistic or "on the spectrum".

 Learning about all his needs has been a learning experience to say the least. He was bullied in school and seemed so sad. We finally decided it was time to homeschool when he spent every morning for a week curled up in the fetal position refusing to acknowledge us when it was time to get ready for school. Sure sign something was wrong. So we joined an alternative learning program offered by his public school. We really have a wonderful public school. The teachers, principal, counselors and additional staff were wall extremely willing to help in any way, but he just needed to be home. So the past few months of school flew by. I ran around feeling like a chicken with my head cut off, but portraying as much clam and confidence as I could.

We started weekly therapy sessions with a wonderful woman who has helped me come to terms with what we are facing, that it IS ok and that we WILL get a pretty typical life despite all this; and that is just from watching her work with Ethan! Now he likes to go in alone like a 'big boy' but I don't mind. It makes him less self-conscious about his thoughts, feelings and that is what he needs.

One thing that really helped me adjust my mental standpoint was to tell myself that Ethan has a learning disability despite all his brilliance in so many areas. In my mind, he is disabled and that is ok. I don't treat him different, but it helps me remain calm when things go wrong and I want to scream. I do catch myself wishing things were different, comparing him to other kids, but I love my special, deeply sensitive and loving little guy. I wouldn't change a thing. All in all, I feel like I'm constantly learning and things are constantly getting easier, at least until the next setback.

Today is one of those days where one task leads to another task which leads to an infinate supply of even more tasks and explains why I feel busy all day and yet have NO idea what I've done with my time. For example: My son wanted toaster waffles for breakfast, we're out upstairs so I go to the garage to get some more out of our freezer. While I'm there, I remember I need to get the next size up of clothes for my younger son since he's growing out of all of his. Grab those, then the waffles and Oh yeah...I'm out of this other thing and need to take that inside too. Back upstairs, toast the waffles, realize I need more butter, go to the fridge and take some out, realize I need more in the fridge which means another trip the freezer. And so on it goes. I think its the little things that not only make the day go fast but also what keeps everything in order. For all you who find yourself having days like this...good job and keep it up.

Enervate

My word of the day, the new definition of tired. The feeling most moms (and some dads) feel after night after night of being up and down with the kids, never fully falling into a restful sleep. Here is the definition courtesy of Thesarus.com: (http://thesaurus.com/browse/enervated)

Definition:	tire, wear out
Synonyms:	debilitate, devitalize, disable, enfeeble, exhaust, fatigue, incapacitate, jade, paralyze, sap, unnerve, vitiate, weaken, weary
Notes:	energize means to cause to be alert or to invigorate while enervate means to weaken mentally or morally enervate means 'drain energy or vigor from' (from Latin enervare 'weaken by extraction of the sinews') and innervate means 'supply with energy' (Latin in- 'in' and nervus 'strength, vigor, energy') innervate means 'to stimulate or give nervous energy,' the opposite of enervate

Growing Pains

Last week Ethan smashed his left ring finger playing with 5 lb hand weights while visiting his Grammie. He will probably loose his nail but thank goodness it isn't broken! He was doing really well with it, being careful not to bang it up any more when yesterday morning Caleb stepped on his finger! Blood was spurting out from under the nail and there was mild chaos! A few kisses and bandaids later and all is well.
This brings to mind all of the recent accidents Ethan seems to have. This boy is a walking accident waitng to happen lately. I remember being a clutz growing up and I still find myself frequently walking into things or wondeirng where that bruise came from. Sorry kiddo, looks like you're taking after mommy!